Dear Apple,
We’ve been seeing each other for a few years now, right? I’ve had some great times with you, singing, watching movies, tweeting and playing games. We’ve gotten to be pretty serious, I’ve grown to love your personality, your sex appeal and your popularity. However; all these years and you still don’t know me, I’ve told you all about my tastes and desires. I’ve purchased countless albums from itunes, downloaded numerous applications and listened to hours upon hours of pod-casts with you by my side. Do I mean that little to you? Are you so self involved that you can’t focus on me, just a little? I won’t lie; you’ve been a great person to have in my life. I’m totally hooked on the phone you got me, I never get lost anymore and my online social life is the best it has ever been. I smile every time I hear “There’s an app for that” š
Can you explain this email from last night? It really upset me.
Don’t you remember who I am? What’s my favorite app again? Do you ever listen when I download things? I’m so hurt that you think I like to work out, I LOVE being lazy. How could you throw this in my face? Are you saying I’m fat?
Apple, we can’t continue on like this – I need to feel valued and cared for. Droid called me last night and asked me out on a date, I didn’t answer, but the voice mail sounded very appealing. Promises of constant connectivity intertwined with 4G speeds … it’s all too fast. I need to know that we can make this work; sending me emails that aren’t personal when you know me so well is a slap in the face. Please show me that you care for me and segment your lists, write down my preferences and email me sweet things. I want to make this work, but I won’t keep this up if you’re not willing to listen.
XOXO,
Rory
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F’ing hysterical.
Maybe Apple was just concerned for your health because it noticed you don’t work out and wanted to show its love. š
I second Chip’s comment. So funny. And unfortunately, this isn’t the first recent post I’ve seen about Apple’s emails. DJ Waldow wrote “Come on Apple. You Can Do Better Than That!” back in September: http://blog.blueskyfactory.com/creativeanddesign/come-on-apple-you-can-do-better-than-that/
Sounds like Apple’s email marketing team needs a little more Email Zoo in their lives.
Amy Garland
Blue Sky Factory
@amygarland
Thanks for the comments guys! I’m glad people can appreciate my humor.
@daniel – They called me fat. I don’t like it.
@Amy – I haven’t seen Waldow’s post I’ll take a look and compare notes š
funny post. But are we really surprised here? Apple doesn’t do personal. They do mass brand advertising with clean minimalist design.
Is it the right thing? We as email marketers know it isn’t the most effective thing. But I would bet Apple isn’t hurting for conversions and probably doesn’t see a need to address it.
Gregory,
While I would agree that a larger company can go for the broad brush stroke approach. This type of marketing isn’t even in sync with their products. Examples are; iPod, iTouch, iPhone, iTunes, iMac, etc. All of these products are focused on being an intimate accessory to everyone who uses them, on a daily basis.
I’ve purchased $100’s if not $1,000’s of products from Apple using the same name, credit card and address. My iTunes is full of things I purchased from them. All of these things give Apple the intelligence to personalize communication to me, therefore; creating an even more intimate experience for me with their product and brand.
IMHO – just because Apple is “cool” doesn’t mean they can slack off with taking care of their customers.
This is a huge missed opportunity for them to bring customers closer in and also generate residual revenue from a cost efficient marketing channel.